a thousand sheeps, a simple hope

if i have a choice, i wouldnt want many events to occur in my life. but, life is the way it is, unpreditable and impossible to manipulate, i always left with no options but to face it, sometimes alone.
life is a jizzle puzzle, we cant really see what this picture is about, where life is leading us to until we complete the last piece. and there is no guarentee for a good result. so, often, i felt disappointed and start to questioning my own ability, eventually lowing my self-esteem.
sometime, i feel so helpless and miserable to be awake the next day as i wasnt prepare to face the old and the new challenges. i fear to lose, feeling dismay after hearing all the criticisms..
i prayed ... hard... every night, hoping to regain my nearly drained fighting spirit and strength..

sometime i cry, breaking down infront of hurdles which are too high for me to cross. i wish life could spare me some little moments of peace, for me to release the burdens and the uncertainty accumulated in my heart. allow me to act like a girl i used to be, crying like a baby. 24/7 pretending to be strong is tiring and insane.
i need a moment of silence. but i ask for no sympathy .. please dont destroy my last bit of pride